


inspection

by calvinahobbes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Roleplay, Tour Bus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 05:14:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20736794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calvinahobbes/pseuds/calvinahobbes
Summary: Dan and Phil roleplay some tour bus border patrol inspection.





	inspection

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Phanfic Bingo Fest 2019 - prompt: tour bus. 
> 
> Thank you to intoapuddle for cheerleading and reading this over for me <3

"Mmm, a full size bed!" Dan moans and throws himself across it. "Definitely one thing I won't miss about the bus," he mumbles into the pillow.

Somewhere behind him Phil hums. "It is kind of sad, though. No more tour bus adventures."

"Last night was adventure enough for me," Dan says.

"Are you saying you wouldn't want to drive back across the border for another chance to meet Chan?" Dan can hear the smile in Phil's voice. 

A little part of him thinks it might be nice with a hint of jealousy, but the foremost part of him is happy he can just grin and wiggle and say, "Oh, the things I'd do for Chan."

"Yeah? Like what?" There's an idle curiosity in Phil's deep voice, just a hint of something promising… 

It makes Dan twist his neck around and crack an eye open to try and locate him in the room. Phil is standing by their bags, looking at Dan with a certain relaxed attention that makes a slow shiver of anticipation run down his back. 

"Well, let's just say he could inspect whatever he wants." Dan says it lightly, playfully, but he knows his face has gone serious. His gaze is hanging by Phil's lips, which is why he sees the nearly invisible curl to them. 

There's a moment of stillness while they both of them seem to wait, take stock, feel it settle in the air between them. 

Then Phil takes a step back and raps his knuckles hard on the wall. "Border patrol! Open up immediately."

Dan almost giggles with joy, but he tamps it down and scrambles off the bed and closer to Phil. "Oh, Mr Inspection Agent, sir, you woke me up!" He makes a show of rubbing pretend sleep out of his eyes. 

Phil eyes him up and down with a stern look. "I have to inspect the bus. Do you have any illegal weapons? Guns? Bombs?" He pushes into Dan roughly to make him stumble back and goes to the bed. He makes a show of bending down to check under it, and Dan takes the opportunity to ogle his ass. It really is just a spectacular ass.

"No, sir," he says with an innocent frown. "I don't have any weapons. I'm just a tiny dancer on this tour buss. All alone."

Phil turns to eye him with a snort, but Dan just sticks his chin out. 

"You better hope I don't find anything illegal in your bed," Phil says in a hard voice. 

He turns back and takes the opportunity to pull the bed spread off the bed and dump the extra pillows on the floor in lieu of checking it thoroughly. Dan loves him a little. Phil bends over again to run his hands under the covers and wiggles his bum again. Dan rolls his eyes. As if he didn't see the first time.

Phil whirls around then and stares Dan up and down slowly. "What about illegal substances? Are you smuggling drugs, tiny dancer?" The sarcasm is fairly dripping off those words, and Dan shudders in delight. 

"Wh-what kind of illegal substances?" He stares at Phil, widening his eyes and pushing out his bottom lip, and Phil licks his own lips without even seeming to notice.

"Like drugs," he says, crowding up against Dan.

Dan puts a hand on Phil's arm and does his best to look seductive and innocent, but he doesn't reply.

"What's your name?" Phil mumbles, staring at Dan with a remarkable amount of suspicion.

"Dan," Dan breathes, because fuck it this is not about being elaborate, this is about having fun.

"Dan," Phil murmurs, and it fairly drips with sex. Dan will never get tired of his name sounds on Phil's lips. "Do you have any illegal drugs on your person, Dan?"

Dan flutters his eyelashes. "Not _on_ me." 

Phil stares at him, and Dan can't help giggling a little. Phil's lip twitches, but he maintains his gruff mask.

"What does that mean? Don't play coy with me."

"Mmm, guess you'll just have to search me. Thoroughly," Dan purrs. 

Phil frowns and then immediately grabs Dan by the shoulders and turns him around, pushing him up against the wall and kicking his legs apart. Dan laughs, a short loud burst, and Phil crowds up close behind him, hands on his waist, and chuckles, "Shut up," in his happy familiar Phil voice that just makes Dan grin from ear to ear. Dan puts his hands against the wall and spreads his legs, pushing his ass back against Phil's groin. 

Phil's hands sweep up his arms, circle his wrists briefly, slide into his armpits, down his chest and then up under his shirt. There's something perfunctory about the touch, even as he makes sure to pinch Dan's nipples briefly before sliding his hands down to Dan's groin. He gropes obscenely, palming Dan roughly through his jeans and slipping in between his legs to rub his balls, dragging a finger heavily up Dan's crack. It's so stupid and over the top, and yet the less-than-gentle touches have Dan hard and raring to go in no time. He moans as Phil crouches behind him, hands continuing their invasive quest all the way down his legs. He quickly taps Dan's feet and together they get his shoes off without much effort. Dan leans his cheek against the wall and breathes.

"You better not be playing tricks on me, Dan," Phil says as he stands back up.

He runs his hands over Dan's nipples one more time before pushing both of them down to cover Dan's cock. Dan moans freely. 

"Are you getting hard, Dan?" he asks, the words dripping with disdain. "I see what kind of boy you are."

"Please," Dan moans, wiggling his butt towards Phil.

"Please what?" Phil says, and it's so low and dark and good that it feels like a physical touch down his spine. He pushes in close, lips up against the shell of Dan's ear and hard cock pressing against Dan - finally.

"Please touch me. I'll do anything."

"Hmm," Phil says. "Are you that desperate?"

Dan stays quiet, heart thumping. Then Phil grabs him roughly, one arm around his waist and one across his chest. He squeezes him briefly in what can really only be called a cheeky hug before he manhandles him onto the bed. He turns them and pushes Dan down but never lets go, controlling the fall all the way.

Next thing Dan knows he's kneeling on the bed, his jeans are off and there's the familiar snick of the lube. Phil crowds up close against him again.

"I think you're trying to distract me," he murmurs. "I _will_ have to inspect you thoroughly, I guess." 

He runs a slick finger down Dan's crack, and Dan does his best not to be loud. It's been a while, what with being on the tour bus and all. Phil rubs the flesh behind his balls, circles around his hole, and Dan just wants. He curses the fact that he hasn't had a shower yet. He curses all the coffee and pizza he's had. Phil still teases the muscle, pushing in just enough for Dan to cry out at the feeling. He grabs his own cock and squeezes it. 

"There's nothing here," Phil says in disgust. "You just wasted my time." He pushes away from Dan and Dan cries out again at the loss of contact.

"No no no, wait, please, please just… keep touching me like that," he whimpers.

"You really are just a desperate, filthy little boy, aren't you?" Phil says. 

Dan nods and gasps and gives himself a tug and then Phil is back on him, body covering his, massaging his hole and pushing Dan's own hand out of the way. As soon as Phil starts wanking Dan in earnest he loses all rhythm in his other hand, and soon he's just pressing against Dan's hole and wanking him. He bites Dan's ear lobe and pants in his ear, and it's not enough.

"I want you inside me," Dan moans, even though he knows it's not happening right now. 

"Fuck, I want it too," Phil curses, and he sounds angry and impatient.

Dan feels it building nonetheless, Phil's hand working him relentlessly, doing all the things he knows works best, and that weird frustrating not-enough feeling starts cresting slowly, almost agonisingly so, until he cries out and comes all over Phil's hand and the bed sheets.

He collapses under Phil, moaning out contentedly and rubbing his cheek against the sheets. He doesn't care about the mess right now. He just wants to float. 

"Fuck, you're so hot," Phil says, and the sound of his zipper makes another shiver of orgasm creep through Dan. "I want to fuck you so bad," he complains and grabs a handful of Dan's ass cheek, which actually stings a little. 

Dan sleepily gestures behind him, trying to get his legs to straighten out under him. "Do. The thing," he slurs. 

It's definitely a testament to their psychic connection that Phil seems to get it instantly. He pulls on Dan's legs, and takes the pillow that Dan reaches down to him. Then he is on Dan again, slicked-up cock pushing between his cheeks, nudging up against Dan's balls. Dan does his best to flex his orgasm-lax muscles, and Phil whines against his neck.

"Ohhh, fuck, Mr Inspection Agent, you're so big," Dan moans, and Phil's hips seem to stutter in surprise as if he had already forgotten what they were doing here.

"Shut up and take my cock," he says, which Dan thinks is pretty weak, so he can't help snorting a little. Phil answers him with a gentle bite to the shoulder and snaps his hips.

"Mmm, you're gonna fill me up, you're so good, Mr Agent."

"Phil," Phil says then and there's a petulant tone his voice suddenly. 

"Phil," Dan says meekly. He feels around for Phil's hand where it's pressing into the mattress and awkwardly wraps his own around it.

"Just me," Phil pants as his rhythm picks up speed. "Just me. Fucking you."

"Yeah, Phil," Dan says softly, and he knows they're being ridiculous but he doesn't care. He twists as much as he can, concentrating so hard on keeping his thighs close together. "Only you fucking me," he whispers, and then Phil mashes their lips together as he comes between Dan's legs.

When Phil finally slides off him, Dan slips in close, kissing him softly and properly. "You're an idiot," he says fondly. 

Phil has the good grace to look a bit sheepish. He rests his head on his own upper arm and peers at Dan. "Sorry."

"I wasn't thinking about anyone else."

"I know," Phil says.

"Good," Dan says. "I love you."

"What about Chan?" Phil still asks.

"Chan can hang."

"Ooh!"

They laugh together and Phil kisses him and Dan snuggles in close.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. [Like/reblog on tumblr.](https://calvinahobbes.tumblr.com/post/187883854345)


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